Squishy_Girl

Today is a day to worry about the polls, not the scale. VOTE!

Well, I just got back from our honeymoon cruise trip, and I didn't gain, so I'm thrilled. My goal was to be the same weight on January 2 as I was on the day before Thanksgiving, so I'm well on my way to that. I've also just joined a binge-free thread on the WW boards, so I'm hoping that will help a little bit. I am happy to be revving the WW back up this week, rather than waiting until after New Years. It feels way too much like a diet when tied to New Years and resolutions and stuff. This is a reminder that it's a lifestyle.

Either the WW website is down, or they've cut off my access at work. I want to enter my lunch into eTools. I am not a happy camper!

Yay! I had a good weigh-in tonight and am down 1.8lb. That's my first good weigh in since our wedding back in September. I wasn't perfect last week, but even being sort of back on track is much better than the totally off the rails eating that I was doing before. I'm feeling good about things. I also bought some WW stocking stuffers for DH. He's also a WWer, but online only, so he never gets to see the WW stuff for sale at meetings. I'm particularly excited about the points calculator. He likes gadgets, so he might like this better than the slider for grocery shopping.

Well, it's Friday, and I'm still hangin' on. Last night we went out to a bar to watch the soccer playoffs. The Fire lost :(, but I managed to stick to me plan AND eat fun bar food. I love WW sometimes. Weekends are always my biggest challenge, so wish me luck!

Well, I made it through yesterday OP, even in the face of an after work cocktail party with far too many Pepperidge Farm cookies in attendance. Honestly, can you say no to a mint milano? I can't. But, I managed to eat only two. Today is starting off well. I had my first VitaMuffin, and I'm in love. Those may save me from the evil Starbucks pastries that I have to stare down every morning when I get my coffee. Speaking of Starbucks, mine turned into Christmas overnight. The upside--the peppermint mocha is back. The downside--they were playing the Josh Groban Christmas album. Boo.

Well, last night's weigh in was a big wake up call. I knew I had gained a few pounds back, but in my head I was maintaining, not gaining. Thank goodness for the accountability of the weigh in to shake off the self-delusion. I'm way off track, and have gained back a quarter of what I had lost from my lowest. The scale hasn't moved downward since about July, when I let the wedding stress, and associated eating, take over. I know this is my own journey, and I can't compare it to anyone else's, but it's hard not to realize how badly I've screwed this up when I see how far others have come in the same amount of time. This morning I reviewed my list of all the reasons I am doing this, and I'm mentally recommitting, again. Cause, as they like to say on the 100+ board, what are you gonna do, give up and gain it all back? It's hard, but I know that I can do this, and I know that it works.

Today is Day 4 of being back on program. I've had to dip into my flexies to make it happen, but it is working again. We're two weeks and a day from the wedding, and today is my assistant's last day. But, I've managed not to binge. Also, last night I discovered that Milky Way Midnights are very low in points (as far as candy bars go). That made me happy. I also discovered that my standard Chipotle burrito is a kagillion points, but I sort of knew that already. Now its just unquestionably quantified and in my points counter. But, that's what flexies are for. I'm weighing in tonight, trying a new meeting. We'll see how it goes. But, for only 4 days OP, I'm not expecting a loss.

Madeline L'Engle, my most favoritist author ever, died last night. No obits today, but here's a passage from A Wrinkle In Time:
http://www.awrinkleintime.net/excerpt.asp

I have been totally off program for about two weeks now. I usually start off counting points, and by about 5pm I'm not even thinking of them. The wedding stress is really, really getting to me. I picked up my dress last Saturday, and it fit perfectly, so I CANNOT gain between now and the wedding. And, to top off all of the horrible eating, I've been getting migraines, and have been unable to work out because of them. I'm so terrified my dress won't fit right! I know WW works if I just work the program. So why won't I work it??? (In Rupaul voice "You better work it girl!") *sigh*

Well, even though I haven't lost more than a pound or two in the past month, apparently I must be somehow shifting the fat around. Earlier this summer I tried on a dress for my rehearsal dinner. It was ok, but I felt like I had the wall-o'-boobs effect going on. Today, I was back in the same store, and I tried on the same dress, but one size smaller. It fit, and I love it now! I haven't bought this smaller size in quite a while. Yay!

So, I've pretty much been off the wagon for a week and a half. I let the wedding and school stress get to me, and I just gave up. Today, I woke up determined to get back on track. One of my friends, who is also doing WW, looks herself in the eye in the mirror every morning and says "Today I will follow Weight Watchers." So, that's what I did this morning. I managed to stare down the pastry case in Starbucks and survive, but had a bigger challenge this afternoon. My boss spent the whole morning talking about how she was craving an Italian beef sandwich. So, when I ran out to run a few errands at lunch, all I could think about was stopping at Portillo's for a beef. I spent about 20 minutes talking myself down, and then went back to the office and ate my Lean Cuisine. It was really, really hard. I need to NOT let myself get this off track again, because it's so hard to reinstate the discipline. Wish me luck for the rest of the day! I will be OP!

Yay!!! Yesterday I hit my first 10 percent lost! I know I've still got a long way to go, but it feels like such a major milestone. Things are really crazy with work, grad school and wedding planning, so avoiding stress eating is key for the next few months. But, hitting my 10 percent really makes me feel like I can do this!

So, I think I am back on track! I don't officially weigh in until tomorrow evening, but I have been sneaking looks at the scale, and I'm down. A lot. I'm very excited that I've managed to jump start my loss again. Yay!

I went to an insane bachelorette party this weekend and many pictures were taken. I looked at them last night, and realized that I do look different--especially when I compare them to the pictures taken on New Year's Eve, when I was at my highest weight. I hardly recognized myself in those pics--there wasn't one in the whole batch that I thought looked like me. I was clearly in denial about how much weight I had gained. I'm not thrilled with the way I look in the pictures from this weekend, but I look more like myself, if that makes sense, and even look cute in a few. I think I need to start a progress page with pictures to remind myself that it is making a big difference.

Bah. This week's meeting about getting stalled really hit home. I've been playing with the same three pounds for six weeks. I don't have that kind of time to mess with three pounds! I have a wedding dress to look hot in! I know this is a life-long journey, and after the wedding, it can take as long as it likes, but I do want to look better before the end of September. But, it's not all my body's fault--I know I've not been working the program as well as I can. So, this is my recommitment to fruits, vegetables, healthy oils and exercise. My fiance and I have also decided we're going to start planning a week's worth of dinners every weekend, so that will help. I know all of the last minute egg rolls have not been helping my progress!

Ok, so I am a very, very bad blogger. But, I like to think that my laxness in updating just means that I am not as all-consumed by my journey now as I was in the beginning. I had a good WI today and was down 2.6. This is amazing because for the past week I've been eating like an idiot who's never met a fruit or vegetable. The week before that was even worse. I was in NYC for business and between convention center food, cocktail parties and eating to compensate for lack of sleep, it was a total disaster. So, I'm really excited about my loss. I'm not sure how it happened, but I'll take it! I also have a new motivating factor to help keep me on board. I bought the lace for my wedding dress last week. There is *just* enough on the bolt, and we can't order more. So, I need to be smaller so I need less fabric!

Woo! I was down 4.4 (clearly, I was bloated last week) for a total of 29lb lost so far. I blew away my 25lb lost mile marker :) I'm very excited!!!!! When I hit my next goal (hopefully in 2-3 weeks) I'm going to get a new iPod. What do you guys think--should I get a nano (if so, what color) or a regular one? Yay!!!

I've been noticing for the past week that my appetite has been changing. It's not so much that I'm hungry less often (though that has happened on a couple of days), but more like my hungry-times have all changed, and are no longer consistent. I think this is a good thing, because I always wondered if I was legitimately hungry at lunch, or was just programed to think that it was time to eat. Today for example, I had my usual breakfast and small late morning snack. I was hungry for lunch, but after I had eaten half my food, I was completely done. I put it in the fridge and was not hungry again until right now. I do NOT like to be hungry when it's time to drive home from work, because the fast food tends to attack me. So, I'm bringing a snack in the car. Yesterday I had breakfast, and then didn't eat again until almost 6:30. I guess I'm sort of learning to only eat when I'm hungry. I know I have a long way to go in that, but I find this interesting.

Argh. It has been forever since I blogged. Mostly, I think it's because I've been frustrated with my slooooooooooooooow progress. I've come to terms with the ups and downs of my body enough that I don't need to blog about every bad weigh in anymore, but I've also had nothing good to brag about--so, no posts. I've also been traveling for work, but that doesn't account for almost a month of lost blog-time!

Anyway, the reason for today's entry is, predictably, scale related. I had official Weigh In Wednesday this week and an ok .5lb loss. I was feeling pretty skinny (all things are relative) yesterday morning, so I hopped on the scale again...down 2.5. Ok, I thought, I'll take the extra 2 pound loss with a grain of salt. It is first thing in the morning, afterall. Just out of curiousity, I hopped on again this morning. Down 6 pounds from my Wednesday afternoon weigh in. I know all things are possible with regard to water weight, but I'm kind of afraid my scale has lost its mind. This bad-boy was $85 and I'm going to be pizzed if I have to buy a new scale already! Sure, it's talking all pretty to me, but I know it's all lies! My steak dinner from last night and I did not lose 6 pounds. I may put our manorexic lhasapoo, whose weight never changes, on it to see if he gets an off reading. Must get to the bottom of this mystery.

It's like Who Moved My Cheese. Only not. :( *sigh* I work in a small office--only about 15 people. And one of these people ate all of my string cheese. There were at least five left in the bag last time I had one, and now there are none. Just the empty bag with my initials on it, sitting on the shelf in the fridge. C'mon! Everyone here makes a decent salary, so it's not like they can't afford their own string cheese. And now, I feel like I can't trust my coworkers. Over some stupid low fat string cheese.